Crime thrillers are plentiful. Just look on the television. Throughout the history of television programmes, there has probably been more detective serials than anything else ever. Bergerac, Columbo, Kojak, Morse, all out there ready to be consumed by the unemployed, lonely and bewildered. The simple fact of the matter is, that real life isn't like the crime thriller. Detectives never solve anything because they're too busy doing admin, following pointless leads and doing people for parking offences. Poirot, Cracker, Relic Hunter, the list is endless.
So, if you really want to write one of these in novel form, you need to dig deep and come up with something really special. The Watchmen, Alan Moore's graphic novel that has recently been made into a film, is a good example of someone taking a genre by the balls and giving them a good old pull. Sure, Alan Moore didn't try and write a real novel, but he didn't let that hold him back, and just drew some pictures and some words and hey presto, critical acclaim. That just goes to show you that it's not how you write it or present it, just it's about IT. The story, I mean. Although his wasn't that great, just Batman really.
If you want to write Crime, you need a seriously amazing central character, and some grotesquely intelligent murders. I know the rest of the genre doesn't seem to adhere to this rule, they're all the same essentially after all, but if you want to stand out and make it, then you need a lovable genius, a no holds barred maverick who likes to start by playing by the rules, then breaking them one by one until the murderer is behind bars and the girl is saved. Indiana Jones basically. Or at least someone like Indiana Jones in a contemporary setting. Not a bad idea actually.
There also needs to be quite a lot of sex in a crime thriller, at least a few chapters worth, each more exciting than the first. And if you haven't had sex before, just use your imagination. You'll probably do better than those with years of experience, because you probably would have exercised your imagination quite a lot trying to work out what exactly goes on. Use it.
Gun fights, blood, murder, tommy guns and 1950's style cars, a private eye with a sharp ear, and you've got yourself a smash hit on your hands. I would never write crime however, boring really.
Cheers,
Matthew Rain
Saturday 28 March 2009
Wednesday 18 March 2009
Structuralism And You
Fond greetings. Today I shall tell you everything you will ever need to know about Structuralism. Structuralism is nothing to do with architecture, let me point that out straight away. It's nothing to do with drills, or the study of council flats, or how many brick do you have before a few bricks turns into a pile of bricks, and all the other things builders probably talk about. Structuralism is the study of looking at stories, seeing common threads, and then copying those similarities in your own story so that you can fool people into thinking it's along the same lines. Good example, George Lucas and Star Wars. He took one good look at the Wizard of Oz and thought, I know, I can just make it a space opera in space. And look at him now, people swallow whatever he churns up and calls a story!
Basically, stories have a beginning, a middle, and an ending, unless you like to play around with form, then you can have two beginnings and maybe three endings, skipping the middle entirely (because what happens in the middle really?). There are certain things that define these stages of a story.
For example, at the beginning of a story, the hero of the piece goes off somewhere, usually just because he's bored and fancies himself as a bit of an adventurer. In the middle, various things happen that are more or less inconsequential to the plot, like he meets people, has sex with someone, buys a new washer, meets his evil twin brother. It doesn't really matter what happens here. Then comes the ending, where I like to think the story really begins. Here, the people he meets are killed by a death ray, he realises the person he had sex with is HIV positive, the washer is broken and he's got to take it back to the shop, and the twin brother murders him and he wakes up because it was all a dream, thus ending the story.
Structuralism defines many genres and story types. For example, Romance. Now, no-one in their right mind would actually write one of these books unless they are a grossly dull human being. However, if you were in it simply for the money, you could follow the simple structure that defines the genre. Girl meets boy, girl meets other boy, girl decides to go for boy instead of boy, and they live happily ever after. Easy. Same with horror. Girl meets boy, girl finds boy murdered, girl turns into monster, finds time travelling machine, goes back in time and murders boy. And so on. See? See how Structuralism works and is good for you? Why not pick your own genre and follow a safe pattern to immortality in the hearts of readers everywhere. Or you could just write literary fiction and die miserable.
Yours,
Matthew Rain
Basically, stories have a beginning, a middle, and an ending, unless you like to play around with form, then you can have two beginnings and maybe three endings, skipping the middle entirely (because what happens in the middle really?). There are certain things that define these stages of a story.
For example, at the beginning of a story, the hero of the piece goes off somewhere, usually just because he's bored and fancies himself as a bit of an adventurer. In the middle, various things happen that are more or less inconsequential to the plot, like he meets people, has sex with someone, buys a new washer, meets his evil twin brother. It doesn't really matter what happens here. Then comes the ending, where I like to think the story really begins. Here, the people he meets are killed by a death ray, he realises the person he had sex with is HIV positive, the washer is broken and he's got to take it back to the shop, and the twin brother murders him and he wakes up because it was all a dream, thus ending the story.
Structuralism defines many genres and story types. For example, Romance. Now, no-one in their right mind would actually write one of these books unless they are a grossly dull human being. However, if you were in it simply for the money, you could follow the simple structure that defines the genre. Girl meets boy, girl meets other boy, girl decides to go for boy instead of boy, and they live happily ever after. Easy. Same with horror. Girl meets boy, girl finds boy murdered, girl turns into monster, finds time travelling machine, goes back in time and murders boy. And so on. See? See how Structuralism works and is good for you? Why not pick your own genre and follow a safe pattern to immortality in the hearts of readers everywhere. Or you could just write literary fiction and die miserable.
Yours,
Matthew Rain
Sunday 15 March 2009
Writing As Art
Contrary to popular belief, writers are artists. They're not just English Students who couldn't handle Shakespeare so went off to write something a little more user friendly themselves. Nope, writers are as artistic as painters, sculptors and musicians, except Morrissey, who is better than anyone really.
Like artists, writers have a pallet, tools and colours to use in their writing. We paint a picture in the mind, not just on a piece of paper or on a wall or something, which I think is better in a way. Something that prints in the mind stays in the mind, where as a piece of paper could tear or get burnt. Surely it's just common sense? What we do is eternal, as long as you actually get published, and if you don't in your first year then it's not worth it. Take it from me.
But as I mentioned, writers use colours too. I don't mean like 'the chair was red', or 'the building was dark black', or 'that lump of something probably shouldn't be green'... or maybe I do mean that. Even I, your tutor, is a little confused on the subject on colour, and maybe that's the point. Perhaps some examples?
RED: The colour of love, and blood and guts and entrails. The juxtaposition alone there is enthralling for the reader. Use it.
YELLOW: The worst colour ever. But some flowers are yellow. Yellow is also the colour of cowardice. Why not make your next cowardly character in a fantasy a yellow imp? It's stuff like that that wins awards.
GREEN: Green with envy, obviously. And grass and things. Is your character in a field? Think green then.
ORANGE. A common misconception is that the sun is orange. It is not orange, it is white. It's a star after all. Sort it out. But orange is a type of fruit too...
PURPLE: That monster thing off of McDonalds.
I've lost my way somewhere there, but I think you get the picture. Use colour in your writing, bring things to life in the mind of the reader.
Take care, enjoy freedom,
Matthew Rain
Like artists, writers have a pallet, tools and colours to use in their writing. We paint a picture in the mind, not just on a piece of paper or on a wall or something, which I think is better in a way. Something that prints in the mind stays in the mind, where as a piece of paper could tear or get burnt. Surely it's just common sense? What we do is eternal, as long as you actually get published, and if you don't in your first year then it's not worth it. Take it from me.
But as I mentioned, writers use colours too. I don't mean like 'the chair was red', or 'the building was dark black', or 'that lump of something probably shouldn't be green'... or maybe I do mean that. Even I, your tutor, is a little confused on the subject on colour, and maybe that's the point. Perhaps some examples?
RED: The colour of love, and blood and guts and entrails. The juxtaposition alone there is enthralling for the reader. Use it.
YELLOW: The worst colour ever. But some flowers are yellow. Yellow is also the colour of cowardice. Why not make your next cowardly character in a fantasy a yellow imp? It's stuff like that that wins awards.
GREEN: Green with envy, obviously. And grass and things. Is your character in a field? Think green then.
ORANGE. A common misconception is that the sun is orange. It is not orange, it is white. It's a star after all. Sort it out. But orange is a type of fruit too...
PURPLE: That monster thing off of McDonalds.
I've lost my way somewhere there, but I think you get the picture. Use colour in your writing, bring things to life in the mind of the reader.
Take care, enjoy freedom,
Matthew Rain
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Inspire Yourself, By Yourself
Welcome back, what kept you?
Some people will tell you that writing is all about painting a picture in your mind and spilling it out in word form onto a piece of lined paper. They're more or less right.
So, you want to write a novel? Steady on, let's try to walk before we can pole vault. It took me an entire two months to write my first novel, so don't think it's something you can rush into. Why not spend an hour or two researching? In this entry, I shall try to let you in on some writing secrets with regards to where to gain inspiration and the know how to be creative.
Your first port of call should be a magazine. Any magazine. Literally go into the newsagents round the corner and pick one up without looking. Buy it, don't just stand there reading it like one of those idiot students you see in Woolworths, actually do the country a favour and buy it.
If it's a gardening magazine, it doesn't matter, use Alan Titchmarsh's smug self satisfied grin as a bit of inspiration. (Note to self: Write story about the murder of Alan Titchmarsh. Entitled 'Twit in the Marsh') If it's a womens magazine, like 'Grazia' or 'Cushions Weekly', no matter, women are people too. If you are a women, why not pick your favourite article about how rubbish men are and write a story about the last time you were stood up or something. If it's the Sun, then you've picked up a paper, not a magazine. If it's a comic, invent a super-hero. I, for example, invented Flannel Man, who has the power to absorb very tiny amounts of water and wipe surfaces clean with minimul fuss. Etc, the list is endless. Just see something, write something, Easy.
Look at how the words are used in the magazine, the pictures, the headlines. Know that these are meant to draw you in, but you chose at random so you're above their shallow sales tactics. Take pride in that, and use your pride to write something brilliant. Think of me when you do. Thank me if you like.
Be creative. Just doodle or something if you can't write. "Take care," said your mentor.
Matthew Rain
Some people will tell you that writing is all about painting a picture in your mind and spilling it out in word form onto a piece of lined paper. They're more or less right.
So, you want to write a novel? Steady on, let's try to walk before we can pole vault. It took me an entire two months to write my first novel, so don't think it's something you can rush into. Why not spend an hour or two researching? In this entry, I shall try to let you in on some writing secrets with regards to where to gain inspiration and the know how to be creative.
Your first port of call should be a magazine. Any magazine. Literally go into the newsagents round the corner and pick one up without looking. Buy it, don't just stand there reading it like one of those idiot students you see in Woolworths, actually do the country a favour and buy it.
If it's a gardening magazine, it doesn't matter, use Alan Titchmarsh's smug self satisfied grin as a bit of inspiration. (Note to self: Write story about the murder of Alan Titchmarsh. Entitled 'Twit in the Marsh') If it's a womens magazine, like 'Grazia' or 'Cushions Weekly', no matter, women are people too. If you are a women, why not pick your favourite article about how rubbish men are and write a story about the last time you were stood up or something. If it's the Sun, then you've picked up a paper, not a magazine. If it's a comic, invent a super-hero. I, for example, invented Flannel Man, who has the power to absorb very tiny amounts of water and wipe surfaces clean with minimul fuss. Etc, the list is endless. Just see something, write something, Easy.
Look at how the words are used in the magazine, the pictures, the headlines. Know that these are meant to draw you in, but you chose at random so you're above their shallow sales tactics. Take pride in that, and use your pride to write something brilliant. Think of me when you do. Thank me if you like.
Be creative. Just doodle or something if you can't write. "Take care," said your mentor.
Matthew Rain
Sunday 8 March 2009
Erstwhile Greetings
Hello, and welcome to my class. Unfortunately, the class is this blog (for now) but will hopefully become solid one day in the near future.
I am Matthew Rain, writer, poet, film buff, and many other things. But for now, I'm simply a teacher, passing on knowledge that has been passed onto me, by great writing souls like Dickens, Baum and Kenneth Williams. I won't go on about my stuff too much for the moment, but feel free to google me. 'To Wit a Dalek' was mine, a ground breaking Doctor Who novel that define the genre at the time, but then the new series came along and pissed on it, and 'Push it to the Summit', that was voted story of the day on a Science Fiction yahoo group called 'Star Crusaders against the Cozmic Nazis'.
But perhaps we should start things off with the basics. If you want to be a writer, you actually have to write something. No half measures, actually start writing things down. Not just anything, actually try and think of a story. Perhaps even start telling a story you didn't think of, and then cleverly tweak it to make it your own. I for example took the entire story of Star Wars and turned it into a thriller about a spy named Solo Dereck. It wasn't publishable, but still, it was something new, and maybe even better than Star Wars. Well, better than that detritus Lucas passed off as prequels.
Grammar isn't that important. A lot of so called 'writers', some of which are 'friends' of mine would say that grammar is one of the first things you need to know as a writer. It's not. It's just something that divides up the words, but it is these droplets of imagination (the words) that make the story come to life in the poor sap you have reading your stuff. Grammar is like a corrugated iron shed in a beautiful summer garden, filled with petals and rare slowers. The shed is just in the way. So is the grammar. Besides you could probably get a word programme or your mum or something to sort it out afterwards.
There's just something to get your started. In the coming months, and years, expect more sound advice, extracts of my being, as well as interviews with other writers, pieces of my own writing so you can see how a published author writes, and information about the 'How to Write Not Wrong' podcast, that will serve as an audio attachment and guide through my writing journey, and yours too. Although, eventually I imagine the blog will be the attachment. But when I get my teaching job I might just jack it in altogether.
I'm on facebook, twitter, and myspace. Feel free to get in touch if you need some help, but not if your just lonely or something, I'm not really interested.
But do take care. Go write.
Matthew Rain
I am Matthew Rain, writer, poet, film buff, and many other things. But for now, I'm simply a teacher, passing on knowledge that has been passed onto me, by great writing souls like Dickens, Baum and Kenneth Williams. I won't go on about my stuff too much for the moment, but feel free to google me. 'To Wit a Dalek' was mine, a ground breaking Doctor Who novel that define the genre at the time, but then the new series came along and pissed on it, and 'Push it to the Summit', that was voted story of the day on a Science Fiction yahoo group called 'Star Crusaders against the Cozmic Nazis'.
But perhaps we should start things off with the basics. If you want to be a writer, you actually have to write something. No half measures, actually start writing things down. Not just anything, actually try and think of a story. Perhaps even start telling a story you didn't think of, and then cleverly tweak it to make it your own. I for example took the entire story of Star Wars and turned it into a thriller about a spy named Solo Dereck. It wasn't publishable, but still, it was something new, and maybe even better than Star Wars. Well, better than that detritus Lucas passed off as prequels.
Grammar isn't that important. A lot of so called 'writers', some of which are 'friends' of mine would say that grammar is one of the first things you need to know as a writer. It's not. It's just something that divides up the words, but it is these droplets of imagination (the words) that make the story come to life in the poor sap you have reading your stuff. Grammar is like a corrugated iron shed in a beautiful summer garden, filled with petals and rare slowers. The shed is just in the way. So is the grammar. Besides you could probably get a word programme or your mum or something to sort it out afterwards.
There's just something to get your started. In the coming months, and years, expect more sound advice, extracts of my being, as well as interviews with other writers, pieces of my own writing so you can see how a published author writes, and information about the 'How to Write Not Wrong' podcast, that will serve as an audio attachment and guide through my writing journey, and yours too. Although, eventually I imagine the blog will be the attachment. But when I get my teaching job I might just jack it in altogether.
I'm on facebook, twitter, and myspace. Feel free to get in touch if you need some help, but not if your just lonely or something, I'm not really interested.
But do take care. Go write.
Matthew Rain
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